


My World Is Changing (Does That Mean Christmas Changes?)

by Doughnuts_wilderness



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Depressed Steve Rogers, Depression, Feels, Gen, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sad at first but ends well, Sadness, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:55:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27985761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doughnuts_wilderness/pseuds/Doughnuts_wilderness
Summary: Steve had hoped that his first Christmas in the 21st century would be one of the things that could remind him of home. He was desperately searching for something that hadn't changed, for something to feel familiar in this strange new world he found himself stranded in. So finding himself alone on Christmas Eve was not what he had hoped for, but he couldn't say he was surprised.-------------Starts sad but ends well.
Comments: 17
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Where are you Christmas? - Pentatonix

_ "Where are you, Christmas? _

_ Why can't I find you? _

_ Why have you gone away? _

_ Where is the laughter _

_ You used to bring me? _

_ Why can't I hear music play? _

_ My world is changing _

_ I’m rearranging _

_ Does that mean Christmas changes too? _

_ Where are you, Christmas? Do you remember The one you used to know? _

_ I'm not the same one _

_ See what the time has done _

_ Is that why you have let me go?"  _

* * *

  
  


Steve supposed it was a little sad that he was shopping for a singular orange, alone, on Christmas Eve. He felt like he was on autopilot as he picked through the oranges looking for a good one. Steve still could not believe how affordable it was to get an orange in New York in the wintertime. Steve knew many people had stories of Christmas Oranges since oranges were a delicacy and were hard to find in wintertime, it was a way to splurge in the holiday season. Steve remembers his Ma giving him an orange every Christmas when he was growing up. In the spirit of good faith and traditions, Bucky began to buy Steve an orange every Christmas after Steve’s Ma passed. 

Steve supposed that he was looking for a piece of home, something to comfort him during his first Christmas in the 21st century. Yet as he stood in the produce aisle, Steve felt numb. It was not the same. He was buying it, not for someone else, but for himself. He was buying it for himself because there was no one left to buy him one. Steve also decided that while he was incredibly thankful that something like an orange on Christmas was so very accessible for everyone, he felt like it took away from the tradition. An orange on Christmas was no longer a special treat. It was nothing but an orange. So when Steve got home to his apartment, his orange in hand, it did not feel difficult to hold off eating the fruit until tomorrow. Steve wondered if he would even care to eat it Christmas morning. (He knew he  _ would _ eat it, Steve could not physically allow food to go bad, even if he knew he could afford it these days). 

It was not about the orange, it was never actually about the orange. Sure, Steve had savored the fruit every Christmas, loving every bite. But it was never about that. It was about how much his Ma (and later Bucky) cared about Steve. They cared enough to save up and buy a frivolous food item. Growing up with such little money, they never bought things that were over so quickly, even in the summer when oranges were more readily available. It was wiser to spend money on items they could use to cook multiple meals, an orange was not one of those things. His Ma loved him so much and she genuinely wanted Steve to be happy. Bucky wanted to gift Steve the memory of his Ma. So no, buying it for himself was not the same, not even close. 

Steve sat on his couch in front of his television. Steve hardly ever used the thing, so he thought maybe tonight would be a good time to try. Maybe watching a Christmas movie could help Steve feel something besides the dull ache that he was slowly coming to identify as loneliness. Ever since Steve woke up from the ice, he had experienced this dull ache in his chest that would fluctuate in the level of uncomfortableness, but never fully went away. After a few months (and refusing to tell the shield doctors running tests on him, in case they found a reason to call him defected, deeming him to be obsolete) he realized it was the feeling of loneliness. In all of the trials and hard times Steve had gone through, he had never once felt alone. Steve always had his Ma, Bucky, or even Peggy and the Howlies after Bucky had passed. Steve had suffered a lot in his life, but he was never left to suffer by himself. Even when he felt they should have just abandoned him, they never did. So Steve decided maybe watching TV could distract him from his loneliness.

Steve quickly found that he was wrong. Christmas movies were warm, happy, full of love, and laughter. Skipping between various Christmas Movies just made him more acutely aware of his situation. Steve sighed and turned his Tv off. It had been wishful thinking, just like the orange had been. That was why he was not getting ready for Midnight Mass like he had done every Christmas Eve for as long as he could remember. Steve just...he was not sure he could take it. If he went tonight and everything had changed if his very religion had changed? How could he ever truly fit in with this world? Steve imagined sitting in the pews, and just...not fitting in. He imagined that traditions may have changed, the people have changed, and what if they no longer used Latin in the services? What if...what if Steve had changed too much? Could Steve even sit in the church after being on a team with a man who calls himself a God? Could Steve even sit there with a clear head, after all, he had not been to confession in well...70 years he supposed. Steve had lost everything in his life, he could not stand to lose his religion. The possibility of it made him sick, so he avoided the church like the plague. It made him guilty, but it was nowhere near the pain he would feel otherwise. 

Nothing was the same anymore. Why had everything changed? Steve couldn’t help but think it was so unfair, everything had been taken from him, but he had naively thought Christmas was something that could not change. Christmas was the embodiment of joy, and Steve had subconsciously thought that Christmas would bring, briefly, some joy into his life. He was mistaken, that’s for sure. Christmas had changed, it was lonely and harsh. Without the joy of Christmas and Christmas Eve, it was yet another cold night. Steve hated the cold, it was fairly obvious why. Steve felt like he had walked through a Blizard towards a warm light, finally finding a house with the windows glowing from its fireplace, only to have the owner of the house lock the doors when Steve knocked. He was left out on the porch to freeze, watching everyone stay warm by the fire. Steve was alone and cold on Christmas Eve watching the rest of the world glow with love and music. 

Steve was not stupid enough to think that he himself had not changed. Ever since the ice he had so desperately tried to avoid the pain of waking up 70 years in the future that he had thrown himself into being Captain America. He was rearranging his life, he was shoving Steve into a box and letting Captain America take the lead. It was easier to let Captain America deal with things because Captain America was brave and strong, Captain America did not want to cry over Christmas Movies and oranges. Captain America did not care that his favorite deli was now an Apple Store, Captain America didn’t have a favorite deli in the first place. Good ole Cap didn’t tense when someone clammed a door, because Captain America was not  _ weak _ enough to have shell shock (Because Steve knew a weakness like shell shock could get you locked up, and he couldn’t let that happen). So if he was Captain America then nothing could truly hurt him. Steve knew this led to missed opportunities at creating a new life for himself, but he was afraid of rebuilding a new life. Family and Friends were a weakness that he could not emotionally afford to attach himself to again. So Steve knew he was not allowed to pity himself tonight, Tony Stark had invited Ste-no, Tony had invited ‘Cap’ to a Christmas Eve party at the newly renamed “Avengers Tower”. Steve had wanted to say yes, to surround himself by people and hope he could absorb their joy, but Captain America said no. Captain America was not the fun one, not Captain America of the 21st Century. Either way, Steve knew that Tony did not actually want him at the party, he was relentlessly teasing him for having a stick up his ass. Steve was only invited as a formality. They both played their part of the script, Tony asked and Cap said no. 

Time had changed so many things, Christmas had changed, Steve had changed, and somehow Captain America had changed as well. So when Steve got a phone call from Natasha, he simply let it ring. Steve stared at the mini Christmas tree on his desk. It was a fake tree that stood at around two feet tall and it was decorated with the mini ornaments it came with (because Steve did not have any of his own). Steve stared at the lights wrapped around the tree until the wee hours of the morning. He had a fleeting feeling of disappointment that Santa Clause had not shown up. He could not help but laugh, Steve did not believe in Santa, obviously, but he figured that if so many things had changed that would have been a cool edition. If Thor was real, the least he could have done was bring Santa with him, straight out of the fairytale books. 

If Steve cried that night, that was his business. If the mini tree could be found in the trash Christmas morning, well then Steve wouldn’t know what you were talking about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note on the Shell Shock part - This is not an accurate depiction of PTSD. PTSD does not make you weak, this is just the opinion Steve has on the matter. He is freshly out of the Ice and still holds his WWII-era opinion on the matter and no one has helped him learn otherwise.
> 
> The next chapter should be soon! It's a busy time of the year, but I hope to have it up before Christmas. 
> 
> Please comment if you liked this! I legit live on comments and feedback.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve gets an unexpected invitation, and the Avengers are called to Assemble on Christmas.

Steve had not intended to wake up at 5:30 am Christmas morning. It was not like he had anything to look forward to, no presents to unwrap, no loved ones to help in the kitchen. Steve didn’t even have a tree to look at, he had thrown it out last night, ornaments and all. He hadn’t like it anyway, it was fake (Because trees were fake these days) and it felt like a terrible representation of how his life felt at the moment. Just a plastic replica, a cheap replacement.

Steve usually woke up early, his military training seemed to still be intact. He would wake up, go for a long run, and then grab a coffee on his way home. He liked to frequent the same small hole-in-the-wall coffee shop every day. He liked the familiarity of the staff, plus he figured that if he had such a huge back pay from the military (and nothing to spend it on) he may as well try to support small businesses. Steve knew what it was like to struggle for a living and he had to admit he disliked how rare small independent businesses were in Ney York. Back in his day, NYC was an expensive place, sure, but it was still a place that allowed for people to chase the “American Dream” and start their own businesses. Today he got the feeling that it was very difficult to run a small business in the shadow of Corporate America.

Steve decided he should still go for his run, he had nothing better to do. Plus if he was going to commit to this Captain America thing, he can’t let a silly thing such as a holiday affect him this much. Steve got dressed and grabbed his wallet (on instinct he filled it with extra cash) before heading out the door. Steve did not shop very often, SHIELD had provided him with a lot of the basics he would need to get by. One thing Steve did do on his own time was invest in some warm exercise clothing. He was surprised to find how many options there were, he found clothing that was flexible and breathable, yet somehow so incredibly warm. Being warm was a must.

Steve ran. He often ran until he worked up a slight sweat (aka much farther than the average human), but today he really pushed himself. Almost as if he could run so fast that he would forget all his problems. Maybe if he ran fast enough he would not notice the boy in pajamas dragging his father, also in pajamas and a coat, out of his apartment building to play with his new baseball glove. It was 6 am and the boy had clearly just opened the gift and insisted that he get to try it out on the snowy yet fairly empty sidewalk. The father still looked half-asleep, but almost as happy as his son was. Maybe if Steve ran fast enough he would not see the Christmas lights in the park or notice that all too familiar ache in his chest.

  
When Steve finished his run he decided he’d stop by the coffee shop, he was not sure if they’d be open this early on Christmas (or on Christmas at all) but he figured he’d give it a shot. So Steve was pleasantly surprised (and also a bit sad for the owner) when he saw their “Open” sign glowing in the window. When Steve walked into the cafe he saw the only person working was the owner, Mr. Collins, a man in his late 30s if Steve had to guess. Mr. Collins was behind the counter, turning on all the equipment, he must have just opened. If Steve had to guess he had opened gifts with his kids and then came to open the shop. Steve felt bad that he was alone on Christmas, he knew the man had two small children, a wife, and an elderly mother. Mr. Collins smiled warmly at Steve when he walked in.

“Steve! Merry Christmas!” The man said in his slight Irish accent.

Mr. Collins was a first-generation Irish American, much like Steve, and he held onto a very slight Irish accent that he picked up from his parents and the Irish community he had grown up in. So maybe the Irish thing was another reason Steve supported this business.

“Mr. Collins, Merry Christmas,” Steve said warmly. He noticed that the ache seemed to be the least noticeable when he was at this coffee shop.

“I’ve told you before, just call me Brian. You come in here enough.” the man responded. “The same as always?”

Steve simply nodded in agreement, watching the man get the machines up and running while also pulling out the necessary ingredients for Steve’s coffee. He felt a bit guilty making the man work on Christmas, but Steve knew that if he was working on Christmas then times must be hard and he must need the money. That should not have to be the case. Steve was feeling all too well what it was like to be alone on Christmas, and he hated it. He hated it so damn much. It was not fair that this man had to be alone when he had a family to spend it with. Mr. Collins was a good man and a hard worker, he also dearly loved his family. This was apparent by all the times Steve had seen them interact, or had been told stories about the man’s children.

The man handed him his drink. Steve pulled out his wallet, suddenly very happy with his choice to bring extra cash with him today. He had felt he would need it this morning.

“How many people do you think you’ll get in here today?” Steve asked casually.

“Oh, probably only around 100 people. Most of the people out on Christmas day are the types to go to Starbucks.” Brian said with a slight chuckle, but Steve knew that 100 people were hardly enough to cover the cost of being open today.

Steve nodded, “So this should be more than enough to cover that.”

He pulled out $600 in cash. Steve figured it was probably around double what the man expected to earn today. Luckily he brought it in $100 dollar bills, so it had easily fit in his wallet and would be easy for Brian to take home.

“How about you take the day off? Be with your family.” Steve said handing it to the shocked man.

“I-Steve I can’t possibly take this!” Brian said, hardly able to process what was happening.

“Please do. I want your family to have a good Christmas together” Steve said.

Mr. Collins looked close to tears, still holding the money in his hands in pure shock. He seemed to be debating what to do, his eyes flicking from Steve to the money, and back again.

“Just take it. Turn off the open sign and go home. Nothing could make me happier today than knowing your family gets to enjoy Christmas together. People should not have to be alone on Christmas.”

“I..at least let me give you some food!” Brain said, darting behind the pastry counter.

Normally Steve would refuse the offer, but he knew that Brian truly wanted to thank him in whatever way he could. Steve was not about to crush that and refuse the kind offer. Soon Brian returned with a Danish, some gingerbread and...and an orange. Steve almost felt like his heart had stopped when he saw the orange in the man’s hands.

“It isn’t much.” Brian said, setting the items on the counter for Steve, “and the orange is kinda an old family Christmas tradition.” He said with a shrug.

“Mine too,” Steve said softly, gently picking up the orange. “My Ma she-she used to get one for me every Christmas…”

Brian looked at Steve with an analyzing look before finally saying “Listen, Steve, how about you stop by for Christmas dinner tonight?”

Steve looked up sharply, the orange was almost forgotten in his hands. He saw no sign that he was joking or messing with him. Steve then looked for signs of guilt, maybe he felt that he had to repay Steve? That was not necessary, it took away from it being a gift.

“No, I couldn’t. I-”

“Don’t have any plans.” Brian interrupted, “at the risk of being rude...I’d have to guess you are alone for Christmas. We’d love to have you over.”

Brian grabbed a piece of paper and quickly wrote his home address on it, as well as the time of 5:30 pm. He handed it to Steve before putting the items of food into a small sack and sliding it across the counter. Steve didn’t even know what to say. He supposed he should not be surprised that Brian had so easily been able to tell Steve had no plans. Who went out for a run on Christmas? Who said stupid things like ‘no one should be alone on Christmas’ while so clearly alone.

“Just think about it, okay?” Brian said with a big smile on his face.

Steve nodded, offered thanks for the invitation (followed by many grateful thanks for the money), and left. Steve was more than happy to see the man turn the “Open” sign off as soon as the door closed behind him. Steve walked home stunned, hardly able to process what had just happened. Steve had set out to do a good thing, to help someone in the best way he could. He had not expected the tables to be turned on him like this. He looked down at the orange he still held in his hand. Steve felt tears at the back of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He would not cry over an orange or an invite to dinner. Brian probably just felt like he had to repay Steve for the money.

Steve returned to his apartment, setting the sack and coffee cup on his kitchen table, still holding the orange and the piece of paper. Steve couldn’t go..right? It was impolite to force himself on this family, it was just a polite offer and nothing more. Yet..the way Brian had looked at him, Steve couldn’t help but think he meant it. Steve felt a lump in his throat as he continued to hold back the tears. Steve could not explain why he was so emotional, he just knew that someone gave him an orange. Steve had been in this century for about a year and Brian was one of the only people to actually call him Steve. Brian’s elderly mother had once slipped Steve a cookie with his order, a sly smile and warning not to tell Brian. Brian’s wife, Clair, had shooed away some fans once; allowing Steve the room to place his order in peace. That was the first time they looked at Steve differently, with a bit of curiosity. People hardly ever recognized Steve, so he figured they hadn’t. If they pierced it together after that exchange, they never said a word about it.

Steve realized that he hadn’t felt the ache in his chest at all since the coffee shop. Steve realized that this family he briefly interacted with him each morning probably cared about him (Steve, not Cap) more than anyone else in this century, and he was holding an orange as proof. Sure, Steve had given Brian a large amount of money, but Steve was actually invited to a Christmas dinner…

Steve carefully peeled the orange and took a bite. Maybe he would go. Steve Rogers would say yes. Steve Rogers did not want to feel so damn alone, he wanted to be with people...Captain America on the other hand? Well, maybe Captain America was too good to turn down an invitation. I mean Captain America was supposed to represent good and the 'American Dream', right? Well, what was so righteous about turning down a kind offer for a Christmas dinner? Perhaps accepting the offer benefits both Steve and the Captain...

Steve was suddenly pulled from his thoughts by the distinct sound of his phone alerting him to a call for the Avengers to Assemble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next update should be soon! I hope you like this chapter, honestly, it kinda had a mind of its own. Not many people are reading this fic, but I appreciate all of you who are!! Comments really encourage me to keep writing, so If you can your thoughts/feedback/etc is greatly appreciated!! 
> 
> Thinking about slightly changing the title, so keep an eye out for that. 
> 
> Hope you are all having a good week!! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I feel you Christmas, you never fade away"
> 
> (Song: Where are you Christmas?)

_ Christmas is here _

_ Everywhere _

_ Christmas is here _

_ If you care _

_ If there is love in your heart and your mind _

_ You will feel like Christmas all the time, oh _

_ I feel you, Christmas _

_ I know I've found you _

_ You never fade away _

* * *

The Avengers had been assembled to fight a threat in upper Manhattan, honestly, it was a fairly routine call for them. Difficult yet not extremely so, just more exhausting than anything else. Luckily there were fewer civilians to worry about protecting, as it was Christmas morning so a fair amount of people were sleeping in or celebrating with family. Steve took inventory of his injuries as he slid his shield onto his back. He had a cut on his face, possibly a broken rib, and a lot of bruises across his body. He had faired pretty well this fight, he often walked away with some injuries. Due to the serum, he was more durable than an average human, but that also meant he tended to throw himself into danger more than an average person would. He was generally less careful than even Clint was. Steve figured if he healed faster then there was no reason he shouldn’t be taking the brunt of things, it was his job to protect the team. He could take it. If anything the cut on his face was bothering him more than the broken rib was, but he knew they would both be gone and healed in no time. 

“Want to come back to the tower with us Cap?” Barton asked.

“We are having a non-traditional Christmas Dinner” Natasha added. 

Before Steve could answer Clint added, “She means we are each cooking the only dishes we know how, if it turns out to be shit we will order in Chinese or something.” 

Steve nodded, he was glad they were going to be bonding together some more. He wasn’t stupid, he knew they were getting close while living in the tower. He knew he was (somewhat purposedly) isolated from them socially. He should say yes. This time didn’t feel like yesterday, it wasn’t a big and flashy party. He wasn’t being invited as a show-piece. Sure they probably felt a bit guilty thinking of him being alone today, but that was slightly better than inviting him for the cameras. 

“I actually have plans.” Steve said, “I’m probably late, but better late than never?”

If he had to guess it was probably 6 o’clock, 30 minutes past the time Brian had written down on the piece of paper. Steve wasn’t sure what made him confess to having plans. He had not yet decided if he was going to go before the call to assemble came in. Maybe he had wanted to see the look of shock on his team’s face, that yes, Steve did have plans that did not involve them. Even Natasha let the surprise on her face slip briefly before covering it. 

“You?” Tony asked, sliding the facemask of his helmet up revealing a raised eyebrow pointed at Steve.

“Thank you for the offer, I hope you all enjoy yourselves. Merry Christmas.” Steve said before turning away from them.

Steve didn’t want to be rude, but he knew if he stayed they would pry, and eventually, Steve would crumble. Steve wanted to keep this for himself, something that wasn’t mixed up in the whole “saving the world” thing. This was something for….well, as afraid as he was to admit it, this was something for  _ Steve _ and not Captain America. He had to find the irony in that, as he would have to go dressed as the Captain if he wanted to make it in time. SHIELD had arrived for the cleanup, and as requested, they brought Steve’s bike with them. He purposely did not look back at the team (he knew they were watching him) before he drove away. He thought they probably meant well, but this was something Steve needed. His first Christmas since the ice...he needed a bit of normalcy. Something to ground him. Apparently that came in the form of the family who owned the coffee shop around the block from his apartment. 

If Steve drove faster than he should have...well he suspected the cops purposely turned a blind eye. Driving in his suit did have its perks, and maybe Steve felt a bit guilty for taking advantage of the shield in order to weave in and out of traffic, but not guilty enough to slow down. 

When he arrived at the address given to him, he sat on his bike for a few minutes, looking up at their apartment. Was he really doing this? Did Brian actually want Steve to show up for dinner? Or had the man just felt like he indebted to Steve for the money. Plus he was late and it was rude to show up late, especially to Christmas dinner. Shit, he didn’t even bring anything with him, no food or wine. God, maybe he should just leave and go home. Why burden this kind family when they just wanted to celebrate Christmas. He was about to turn his bike back on and go when he heard his name being called. Steve was confused as to where the noise was coming from before he looked up.

There, sticking his head out the window of the 3rd floor, was Brian. 

“Are you coming up or what?” The man shouted down. 

“Uh...yeah. Just parking my bike.” Steve answered after a moment of hesitation.

He could feel his cheeks flush slightly, how long had their family been watching him through the window? Steve quickly made his way up to their floor, he didn’t want to keep them waiting. Once he got to their door he took a deep breath before knocking. He was Captain America for god’s sake, he could handle a Christmas Dinner. 

He was greeted by Brian and his wife, Clair. 

“Steve! Glad you decided to join us!” Clair said warmly, moving to welcome him with a hug.

“Oh, I’m dirty I don’t want to-”

“Nonsense Steve, a little dirt never hurt anyone.” Clair interrupted. Steve smiled slightly before accepting the quick hug. 

“Thank you for the invitation. I am sorry to be late.” Steve said as Brian closed the door behind him.

Steve glanced around the apartment. It was a small and cozy apartment. Pictures were hung all over the walls. There was a couch that looked 10 times comfier than his own, sat across from a TV. The apartment was definitely lived in but still organized in a way only a family of kids could be, with a few toys scattered around but the rest of the objects in place. He saw a few new looking toys around their small Christmas tree from that morning. 

“It looks like you have a pretty good excuse,” Brian said, gesturing at Steve’s Suit, “I guess you really are Captain America then…”

Steve blushed slightly and nodded, he never knew how to react in a situation like this. Was he supposed to recite some sort of “American Wisdom”? Make a joke about it? He was never sure what people expected of him. However, when he met the couple’s eyes he had the strange feeling that they weren’t really expecting anything from him at all. It was a nice change of pace if he were to be honest. 

“I should probably take these boots off…” Steve looked down at his military-grade boots, covered in all kinds of crap from the fight today, he would hate to track it through their apartment. 

“You can leave them by the door. I’ll go prepare you a plate!” Clair said before she and her husband walked through the hallway to where he assumed they were eating. 

Steve quickly took his boots off, trying to remove them slowly as to not shake off too much of the mess that clung to them. He decided to go ahead and take his shield off as well, leaning it up against the wall. Steve walked down the hall before he could come up with a reason to leave. He turned the corner and found their table, full of food. Their two kids sitting at the table, as well as Brian’s elderly mother. Brian seemed to have just sat back down at the table, and Clair was placing a plate full of food at what Steve assumed was his place. 

When they noticed his presence, the two kids’ jaws seemed to drop wide open, their food momentarily forgotten. They were 4 and 6 if Steve remembered correctly. They stared at Steve as he walked to the table. 

“Hi,” Steve said to them as he sat down. 

“Are you Captain America?!” The older boy asked, seemingly in shock. 

“I am” Steve answered with a smile. 

“But-” The kid paused, glancing at his dad before looking back at Steve, “Why are you here?”   
  


“Tommy! That is not a nice question. Captain Rogers is here because he was invited.” The Grandma said, speaking for the first time since Steve had walked in. 

Steve looked over at the older woman and briefly found it amusing that he was born before her. She sat directly across the table from him. She searched his face for a moment, and Steve was starting to wonder if he had done something to offend her. She had just acknowledged that he was invited, but had he been impolite? Before he had time to overthink it, she spoke.

“Someone needs to bandage your face.” 

Steve flushed again (Something he had a problem doing, he really needed to get control of that). Steve knew the cut looked pretty bad, it went from right above the corner of his left eyebrow down his jaw to the top of his neck. Steve had to remove his helmet during the fight when an enhanced knife of some sort had got stuck in it. The helmet did its job, protecting Steve from having his brain cut open, but taking it off had left his face open to get cut. Luckily it was not too concerning, it would heal soon and without infection. Steve had to admit, her concern was touching. 

“Oh it’s fine Ma’am. I heal quickly so it won’t be a problem.” 

The old woman nodded, offering him a smile before going back to her food. Steve was aware that the older of the two kids was still staring at him. The younger one didn’t seem to be as interested, probably too young to really care about who he was. But Tommy seemed to be unable to look at anything other than Steve (Well, Captain America that is).

“Did you really fight Redskull?” The boy blurted out, unable to contain himself. 

Steve couldn’t help but chuckle slightly, “Yes I did, and he was really ugly!” He answered. 

Steve always found it easier to interact with kids. He knew what they wanted from Captain America and he didn’t mind embracing that role for them. Kids deserved for their heroes to not disappoint them, there was no reason to be rude or dismissive of them. 

That seemed to break the ice. Steve answered Tommy’s questions and talked with Brian and Clair about things not related to Captain America (and what a nice thing that was). Brian’s mother, Lucile, told some stories about Ireland and it reminded Steve so much of his Ma that he wished he could sit at the dinner table for hours just listening to her. The meal was amazing and dessert was even better. Of course, it was accompanied by some homemade coffee.

He had insisted on helping clean up, saying that his Ma raised him to help whenever he could (Brian laughed and said that explained the superhero thing). As Steve set some dirty dishes next to the sink he realized...that dull ache in his chest was gone. For the first time since he had woken up, the ache he had come to accept as part of his new life...it was gone. Instead, he felt..whole? The only way Steve could describe it was a warmth in his chest. If the ache came from the ice (If all his problems came from the ice) then this was the opposite, it was warm and comforting. It felt like a fireplace during a snowstorm, like a hug from his Ma, or a corndog shared with Bucky. It felt, nice. 

Steve hadn’t realized he was crying until Brian silently passed him a tissue. Steve ducked his head in embarrassment before quickly wiping the tears away, glad the kids weren’t in the kitchen to see him like this. Brian started washing the dishes next to Steve as his wife and mother packed up the leftovers. 

“Tough year?” Brian asked, breaking the silence. 

“You could say that,” Steve replied, drying off the bowl that was handed to him. 

“I won’t pretend to know what you are going through. Losing everyone...but you are welcome here anytime.” Brian said as he handed him another dish to dry off. 

“Thank you, but I’ve already intruded so muc-”

“It is not intruding if we want you here.” Clair said kindly from somewhere behind Steve, probably stick packing up the food. 

Steve couldn’t help the blush that spread across his cheeks. It was nice to be wanted. He had the feeling that they didn’t want him because he was Captain America. The kids obviously thought it was cool, and that was perfectly okay. It was just refreshing that the adults seemed to actually like  _ Steve _ . Maybe there was room for Steve in the world? Maybe it was not necessary to hide himself away and only show The Captain to the world. Maybe...maybe the future wasn’t designed to hurt Steve, to torment him. Perhaps it was time to stop expecting the world to bite at him and time to step out and see what there was to offer. It was also possible that he could find a family in The Avengers? Baby steps, he could pull on that thread later, but for now, he thought he had found some good in his new life. The Collins’ where a bright star in this dark night he woke up into. 

“Thank you” Steve replied softly. 

“Captain America! Captain America! Can I hold your shield?!” Tommy called from the other room, obviously having found the shield in the doorway. 

Steve laughed, putting the last dish away. He was always glad to see how much joy his shield brought to kids, they were often very excited about it. Steve knew he had become comic books and cartoons after he crashed into the ice. He had become this character to kids, and he was just glad that his symbolism had provided some hope for children. 

“Of course! Only if your Ma takes a picture of us!” He yelled back, laughing as Clair grabbed her phone.

So Steve helped Tommy get a hold of the shield and took a picture with him, and then held the younger boy, Sean, for a picture as he was too small to hold the shield. Steve even signed a mini Captain America Shield toy that the kids had. 

Steve stayed around for a bit longer, enjoying some drinks after the kids had gone to bed. He basked in the warm presence of this family, letting it take away the pain of loneliness. Steve felt himself smile (a real smile) more than he had the entire year since he woke up. He laughed more than he had since Bucky fell off the train. Steve was...he was happy. He had not expected to find Christmas in a coffee shop, he had not expected to find happiness in a family he hardly knew just a day ago, Yet here he was. He doubted the Collins’ fully knew what they had done for Steve. They saved him. He had been in such a place of despair over the new century, over Christmas, that he had been close to locking Steve away forever and to completely cutting all non-professional ties with The Avengers. He had been so close to allowing himself to become nothing but a shell of himself, a vessel for Captain America and nothing else. 

They showed him love and happiness he did not think he would find in the 21st century. They gave Steve hope and the will to try a bit longer and to adjust to this new life he had. Most importantly, they had cared for Steve, something he had been sure would never happen again. He was grateful beyond words.

So yeah, it was a good Christmas. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this! I stayed up a few hours past midnight Christmas Eve (So I guess I technicality wrote this Christmas Morning?? lol) so I could post it! I felt bad leaving you with a sad Christmas chapter. So hopefully this was a feel-good chapter! I also wanted to hint that the Avengers are really trying to make a connection with Steve, and he is starting to realize that. 
> 
> I love comments, so don't be shy!!!


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